Right now, my life's pretty damn uneventful, to say the least. I've recently moved from ATL back home with Mother in the state, where everyone across the nation is convinced that everything is "Bigger." Ain't shit here big, but the bigotted minds of the unreformed people that populate this Godforsaken place. I'm tyring to make due. But shit here is really beginning to irk the fuck outta me. I'm a pleasant guy, truly. But there are things in life, that I must refrain from to keep that way. And right now, what's pissin' me off more and more each day, is a this job I have to show my face at 7am every waking morning.

I thought waiting tables was stressful. But nothing I've done so far has literally made me come home and weep....literally, I leave this place and I'm rolling in tears and all the niggas lookin' at me 'like wat the fuck is wrong with this fruit.' Granted I am an emotional wreck, but not in public. I feel like the lowest of all low when I walk into that building and compromise everything that I've worked so hard to acheive for myself mentally and emotionally. My intergrity, my intelligence, my confidence, everything about me, I must toss aside to please others people. And I'm tired. This is really one of the most wreckless things I've done in my life.

My employement outlook: Sprint Wirelss Customer Care Rep. You laugh, I know you do...but really, you don't know my troubles. When I started, I fugured, this looks to be breeze. I sit here on my ass and talk on the phone. I was wrong in the first to judge. I knew the job consisted of two things that I don't particularly have a liking to: sitting on my ass and talking on the phone. "Normal" people would look at me and be like "wat the freak is wrong with you." You get paid to do basically nothing...you're barely expending energy. Well, I don't like being worthless. But I digress.

For 10 hours/5 days a week I must sit and sit and sit and listen to disguntled customers literally bitch and bitch and bitch, and oh, did I forget to mention BITCH about everything they hate about Sprint and the "incompetent [...]you people" they hire to service their supposed "loyal"...oh, i'm sorry "valued" customers. You couldn't imagine how this wears and tears at my soul. Maybe I'm some new generation "KO," but I can't do stress, I can't take worries, I can't deal with "issues" all the fucking time. I really thought I liked people...but more and more each day, I literally am disgusted at the fact that I am one too. I don't really expect anyone to understand exactly what I'm feeling about this job, but it really hurts me. I'm a really good-hearted kind, intellect who thrives on goodness....goodness of love, goodness of life, and goodness of the people. And right now, the people are making my life a living nightmare.

I worked yesterday (Friday), and got to a point where I knew if I took one more call, I would bitch the hell out of whomever gave me face...or in this case "verbal." I knew for a fact I either would have broke down on the phone, or been extremely evil to the next "valued customer." So, I simply got up from my little cubical, like I was exiting for lunch, hit that loggout button, and dismissed myself. I took my hour-long lunch, and decided to say fuck my last 4 hours of production time. So, I call management over the break, and told her I had an accident and wouldn't be returning. Can you believe this witchy bitch had the nerve to ask me "Are you hurt..." ..."No, I'm not. But I have to stay here and handle this," I replied. "Can you really not come back to work"..................HOLD ON A HOT FUCKIN" MINUTE!!!!! BITCH I JUST TOLD YOU I HAD AN ACCIDENT ON MY FUCKIN WATCH, NOT YOURS. I KNOW GODDAMN WELL YOU JUST DIDN'T QUESTION WHETHER I WAS COMING BACK IN THAT SORRY ASS PLACE YOU CALL WORK AND FINISH YOUR PRODUCTION HOURS. YOU GOT 200 OTHER PEOPLE IN THAT BUILDING, ON TOP OF THE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF REPs ACROSS THIS MUTHAFUCKIN WORLD, AND YOU GOT THE NERVE, BITCH ,YOU REALLY GOT THE NERVE TO ASK ME "CAN YOU REALLY NOT COME BACK." Needless to say that got me hotter than fish grease!! I almost went off and told her where she can take her measly $8.24 an hour, but I'm really not like that. I actually think before I speak....

I trying to finish this last week out, and then I'm gone. I really can't do it. I forbid to ever do Customer Service again. I will not deal with another stranger's issues. I can't, I can't, I can't. It's not for me...catering to the needs of other people who insist on being rude, disrespectful, controlling, manipulative, and demanding is not cut out for a dude like me. I have too much pride for Bullshit.

I just need to get back in school now...2months more. I hate the workforce. I just pray to God that I don't end up with a degree and career to follow that I can't make work. I'm just the type of person that when I'm not happy, it shows. I've always wanted to control it, but it doesn't work. I hate for things to make me unhappy, make me sad, and make me cry. I really do. And the only thing in this world that's keeping me smiling right now is "Mr. Man." He really makes me a happy man. He makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me enjoy my life, like no one before him has. And, boy, do I love that. It's not even anything sexual either, he just keeps me content being near him....because he's a happy man, always smiling, always enjoying his time, his life, his world.

And so, I thank God for his presence in my life. Even if what we are in this moment does not last, I'm just thankful. Thankful because I do have something to find pleasure in, to find joy in. He truly brings me joy. And that's why I can say dispite a stressful, worrisome job, I still have MY JOY.

"Missin' You"--Mary J.