So, here's my problem: I'm working a fucking dead-end job that comsumes every bit of my life, and it's leading me to a place where I'm not only being worn down to the core, but I'm beginning to loose my individuality. I feel like everything that i do, resolves around that little place of employement named Chili's. Every since I've been there, I feel like I'm a completely different person, and I don't even know what things interest me anymore. I've been feeling these things for a while now, and yes, I've even tried to get out of this hole that I'm in by looking for another job, but nothing seems to look up for me. And it's funny how I know why I hate Chili's and why I feel like I need another job, but for some reason I'm just convinced that things will get better for me. But I truly believe that tonight was my final straw and what really set everything off for me. I was there from 5p until about 10p and I kid you not I had all of 5 tables on a Friday night, and made $20. And if there's anyone out there who knows about serving, you know damn well that i had a FUCKED-UP night. Friday fucking night. I was pissed the fucked off; and on top of that they had me doing To-Go, which i by the way, wasn't getting paid for, and I had this party with these ill-behaved ass kids who tore napkins and shit all over the fucking place, and who were fuckin' up shit all throughout the fucking restaurant. I was mad because #1) I have to clean that shit up and #2) they didn't fucking tip me shit, and took up all of two hours of my goddamn time. That's a lot of money I could have been making. And don't y'all go and start judging me and shit, talkin' bout all I care about is getting money out of people, and shit. That is not the fuckin' case. I make goddamn $2.13 and hour, none of which I see, and all of my money comes from tip. Every cent that I spend, every bill that I pay, every tank of gas that i fill...all comes from my tips. My sustaining life depends on that shit. That's why I'm fed the fuck up. I'm just tried of serving stupid-ass, ill-mannered ass people, who ain't about shit. I'm just tired of this shit. I feel like serving is a fucking trap. You get into it, and it's alright at first, but then they start wantin' you to work more shifts, do more work, stressin' you the fuck out, and on top of that I'm at a slow ass Chili's. Don't nobody give a fuck about Chili' no more. I'm just tired of it. That's my point. I can't do it no more. I'm not the person I use to be, I can never do the thing I desire to do, and I'm just losing out on the experience of life too much to continue. I feel like I don't belong to myself anymore. Who am I, and how can I go about retaining that life that was once within me? Help me find my truth....


SoFaReal