I was thinking to myself yesterday at work, while sulking in a wee bit of depression....who do I believe could be the one person that could make me happy in this very moment (or at least take my worries from me just for a little while). I thought and I thought....imagined myself in that person's presence and them attempting to console me...make me feel better about the struggling life that I lead. And as I went through each person....I still felt the same emotionally when I imagined them....an embrace from my mother--No....encouraging words from my religious aunt and uncle--No....insiteful thoughts from my grandmother--No....and finally there was one---the only person I've ever really cared about in an emotionally loving way...."my boi." And although I know we've had our problems and worries....there's still something there for me to know that he still has my back. I know he's said somethings to me that hurt so bad, and I've done somethings to make him feel the same...but in any and all things we've endured, I still feel like no one....no one can do the things for me he's done. I was in love with "my boi," but what about that experience---even though I know that what we had is over---keeps me feeling what I feel about him. I know he would never hurt me intentionally and only has my best interest at heart. And I understand that more now that we are only just friends. I just love him for who he is and what he's done in my life. Despite what I've done to him, I know if he knew that I truly needed him there for me, he would be....put everything else aside, forget everything that's happened...he would be there for me, because our relatioship is based off only love, and not disagreements and upsets that cause bitterness towards one another. That doesn't dictate the virtues within us to be good to one another. And because of that, I can't have nothing but love for him. I know he's my source of savior, no matter where I am in life and who I'm with, he will always be my back-bone. That's true love. Sometimes I feel like I just want to fall into him, be one within him, and share the essence of him. I know that man's soul, y'all. It's so hard to explain how I feel about this man, and it's not even an in love thing....it's something so much more. I know it, and I trust it.


SoFaReal