Tuesday, September 05, 2006
There was this guy, or should I say man, in my life about a month. He's obviously not here for me anymore, but my feelings for him still remain. I can't explain, but in the same, the explaination seems quite obvious. Love. I was in love, and still am in love with this boy. And believe me I've tried, I've tried hard to fight what I feel for him, and convince myself of what will never be. But something fights back every time. I wanna keep faith, and I wanna keep hope of possibility...but then I know it's unhealthy for me emotionally to claim what is not mine. He's told me...."I can't be with you...." "I don't like you anymore." But in his voice I hear heart. In his voice I hear hesistation. In his voice I hear him crying. He says to me, "I feel bad for what I'm saying to you, but I really mean it." I can't pinpoint it...but I know it's love. And by no means necessary am I desperate for him...I think of him nearly everyday, and I mentally seek the possibility, but I'm not dying for him. I just know that what we had was something too deep and too thorough to just let go like we did. When I said my last "Goodbye" to him, I was saying "Baby you stiil have my heart and I need you." There was a tense pause, and then his "Bye." It was the softest, sweetest "bye" I'd ever heard from him...and I knew there was something more he wanted to say, but I had to let go. There's too much for me to go into details, but I just want him to know I ain't got nothin' but love! Nothin but....I pray he know he still has my heart, and hopefully not only he but God sees it fit for us to be what WE meant be.
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