So, on my way home from work tonight I had a thought....Why is so hard for people to be in love, and be real about it? Why do people fall out of love so easily. I couldn't find an direct answer, but my answer to myself was that most people in the world aren't real with themselves or their life, for that matter; and futhermore truly have no idea what the idea of love is about. I think too many people give up so easily on what they supposedly and promised to themselves was an ends to an end. Love to me is the most superior none-tangible thing in the world, and it controls who we are to ourselves and one another. I believe that when two people fall in love, instinctually they forget about themselves and begin to focus on the reality of what really matters during that time, which is exactly what's supposed to happen. Love is the most selfless act one can do. You looose all control and begin to do and say things you never thought imaginable. But somewhere in the mist of all that love, people's peripheral becomes blinded...cloudly and they loose sight of why they fell in love to begin with. They forget what the vision of love is and what it is to love. Love is a certain devotion, a dedication to someone other than yourself, whom you believe is worthy of the world and more. I say all this to make the point that some of us expect too much and perfection where there is none....us. We ourselves are too imperfect to give and give everything that our mates or potential mates expect. Some people expect everything to fall in the place they desire it to be, and have this particular vision of the way their love life should develop. We aren't accepting of our reality of imperfection and therefore lose and miss out out on one of the greatest things in the world. We all make mistakes, because we were born that way, yet and still it is our duty to make the proper decision, which is why we have reason. A lot times in relationships we just need to learn to forgive but no forget, and live yet live with a slight caution. You can't control what isn't in your control. We can't always understand why our friends and our partners do the things they do, but the least we can do is try. You never know what they are going through and what they are feeling. I believe that everything happens for an exact reason, like love. That's why we should fight at all cost, the right to keep it. It's too rare to be lettin' it go.

For those of you out there, who are still searching like myself----Don't loose hope. God hears you, he know what you're in need of, and he's gonna give it to you. If God so loves the world, he'll find a place in his own love to share love with you.

"Dandelion"--Tevin Campbell


--So Fa Real--

It's like reachin' for somthin I know you won't give
Those sharp heart-felt pangs nearing desperation
Wasting time and some tears
And tryna release myself from the aching that only I feel
My pleads and damn near begs
Meant nothing cause you still went out
And found some otha nigga against your will
I said I was sorry for what I did
Poured my heart out to you....swore my life to you
Anything you'd ask of me I probably give
I just wanted you to understand....
hurting you was never in my plan
My soul was weak, Heart even weaker
Yet I still knew and you remained....
The truth and only Man
Baby all I want is your love for me
Your heart to stay with me
And promise I'll always be down for you
You had me from hello....
And hopefully one day you'll realize
You can have me til' Goodbye.

There was this guy, or should I say man, in my life about a month. He's obviously not here for me anymore, but my feelings for him still remain. I can't explain, but in the same, the explaination seems quite obvious. Love. I was in love, and still am in love with this boy. And believe me I've tried, I've tried hard to fight what I feel for him, and convince myself of what will never be. But something fights back every time. I wanna keep faith, and I wanna keep hope of possibility...but then I know it's unhealthy for me emotionally to claim what is not mine. He's told me...."I can't be with you...." "I don't like you anymore." But in his voice I hear heart. In his voice I hear hesistation. In his voice I hear him crying. He says to me, "I feel bad for what I'm saying to you, but I really mean it." I can't pinpoint it...but I know it's love. And by no means necessary am I desperate for him...I think of him nearly everyday, and I mentally seek the possibility, but I'm not dying for him. I just know that what we had was something too deep and too thorough to just let go like we did. When I said my last "Goodbye" to him, I was saying "Baby you stiil have my heart and I need you." There was a tense pause, and then his "Bye." It was the softest, sweetest "bye" I'd ever heard from him...and I knew there was something more he wanted to say, but I had to let go. There's too much for me to go into details, but I just want him to know I ain't got nothin' but love! Nothin but....I pray he know he still has my heart, and hopefully not only he but God sees it fit for us to be what WE meant be.

This is my return...Ive been gone for a while now, but I'm back.