It's like reachin' for somthin I know you won't give
Those sharp heart-felt pangs nearing desperation
Wasting time and some tears
And tryna release myself from the aching that only I feel
My pleads and damn near begs
Meant nothing cause you still went out
And found some otha nigga against your will
I said I was sorry for what I did
Poured my heart out to you....swore my life to you
Anything you'd ask of me I probably give
I just wanted you to understand....
hurting you was never in my plan
My soul was weak, Heart even weaker
Yet I still knew and you remained....
The truth and only Man
Baby all I want is your love for me
Your heart to stay with me
And promise I'll always be down for you
You had me from hello....
And hopefully one day you'll realize
You can have me til' Goodbye.

There was this guy, or should I say man, in my life about a month. He's obviously not here for me anymore, but my feelings for him still remain. I can't explain, but in the same, the explaination seems quite obvious. Love. I was in love, and still am in love with this boy. And believe me I've tried, I've tried hard to fight what I feel for him, and convince myself of what will never be. But something fights back every time. I wanna keep faith, and I wanna keep hope of possibility...but then I know it's unhealthy for me emotionally to claim what is not mine. He's told me...."I can't be with you...." "I don't like you anymore." But in his voice I hear heart. In his voice I hear hesistation. In his voice I hear him crying. He says to me, "I feel bad for what I'm saying to you, but I really mean it." I can't pinpoint it...but I know it's love. And by no means necessary am I desperate for him...I think of him nearly everyday, and I mentally seek the possibility, but I'm not dying for him. I just know that what we had was something too deep and too thorough to just let go like we did. When I said my last "Goodbye" to him, I was saying "Baby you stiil have my heart and I need you." There was a tense pause, and then his "Bye." It was the softest, sweetest "bye" I'd ever heard from him...and I knew there was something more he wanted to say, but I had to let go. There's too much for me to go into details, but I just want him to know I ain't got nothin' but love! Nothin but....I pray he know he still has my heart, and hopefully not only he but God sees it fit for us to be what WE meant be.

This is my return...Ive been gone for a while now, but I'm back.